L’Appel Du Vide

from Trying

L’Appel Du Vide roughly translates to The Call of the Void, another thing
my friends with children were talking about when I saw them on Friday. The
term speaks to those feelings one may experience when standing very high up
on a building with a balcony or patio. Or standing near the edge of a platform
on the subway. That something about being in proximity draws out a call to
just pitch yourself toward it. Into it. I have often experienced this phenomenon
but never knew there was a name for it. But these mothers were admitting to
experiencing their own calls of the void. That the inexplicable seduction of
void and all its non-attributes still overpowered. Or maybe that isn’t what they
were saying at all but something instead that only I heard. Already I am trying
to accumulate experiences that I feel like I might relate to before I am even
pregnant just to comfort myself. If others feel this way it doesn’t mean
anything in particular that I do. How normal to think of pitching yourself off
the edge of the terrace. Just because the void is there. But the void is always
there. It’s just that sometimes our physical space exposes it more. I hold this
idea that being a mom will stop these other sensations. Maybe it’s something
I hope for.