The Phlebotomist
The phlebotomist told me I had nice veins today. Juicy, he said. This is phlebotomy small talk, I’m sure, but not everyone can walk away from the phlebotomist knowing they’re juicy, so it makes me feel good in a sick sort of way. I am sick. For that, yes, and of that too. Anorexia gives you nice veins. Juicy veins. It made me hot for a while, and then almost killed me. It’s fun, coming back from that. Not really, that was a lie. I don’t eat nuts often. The squirrels mock me in the street, especially during winter when they’re so warm. Especially when it’s so cold. The cold is the easy part, the hot is the hard part. When I had to eat my veins less juicy in the burgeoning summer. Metabolisms ramping up increase body temperature. My sheets were washed often. There was a shame like wetting the bed. Especially when I had my then-girlfriend over. Libido disappears, by the way. That frustrated her. It was part of what ended things. Me, so tiny, so frail and hot all the time, then cold, freezing cold, then not eating, then eating and feeling large as the sky, then the sky being upset at this comparison, then the sky catching me. I went skydiving this way. Almost didn’t need the parachute. I felt like that feather at the beginning of Forrest Gump. Just sort of floating. It was nice, to float like that. I wouldn’t do it again. I kept a journal. I don’t read the journal. It’s a rule of mine. I like rules. I had so many rules. Still do, just fewer. One of my rules was that my body would become dust, like the priest used to say. I’m not religious anymore. There are pictures of me. I liked to look at those really grotesque black and white photos of anorexia patients. It made me feel better about my wet sheets and parachute body. I like to call it aborexia because it’s closer to the truth. When I was in the fifth grade a girl I liked saw Twilight and told me if I had abs like Taylor Lautner we’d date. I did a lot of sit-ups in fifth grade. Anorexia did more for me than sit-ups ever did. She was married by that time though. No use being this hot, sweating this much, no use in these juicy veins. The phlebotomist liked me. The phlebotomist told me I had nice veins today.