Review of My Ex, Christopher
STARS 1-5 FOR:
Sex ........................ *****
Self-loathing ............ **
Compatibility ............ *****
Passion ................... *****
Compassion ............. *****
Damage .................. ***
Addiction ................. ****
Diagnosable crazy ..... *
Relationship drama….. **
Breakup drama….. *
REVIEW:
You looked like your Nez Perce dad and sounded like your Australian mom and you acted like the med school dropout drug dealer you were, and as I type this I wonder why I ever left (I know it was because I needed to heal by proving to myself I could be by myself, but still), and after all I think of those nights and long mornings when you smelled like me and I smelled like you and we sat naked in bed and read each other interesting words from the dictionary, and after all I smoked my very last joint ever with you as a handicap in a Scrabble game, which I still won but the weed definitely made my semipermanent panic attack worse, which is why that was definitely my last joint ever, and after all we stayed in the car some nights and other nights we stayed in the love motel on Aurora Avenue with the leaky heart-shaped tub that only filled halfway with lukewarm water from the tarnished faux golden tap, while we were avoiding the subpoena after your partner in the meth lab got busted and eventually, not long after that, you were falsely accused of molesting some girls, which having known you intimately for years I know was the last thing you would be guilty of, because law enforcement needed something on you, something to make you talk, but you didn't talk anyway, and you touched me, a less young girl, after years with my husband who accused me of being frigid because I still wanted more after he prematurely ejaculated, but I was so naïve, and then your long hand with the dirty fingernails found me under the blanket one night while we were both sleeping on the floor after my very big large hefty husband passed out drunk and there was no room on the bed, and that was probably the second or third time in my young life I ever came with another person in the room, and you liked doing that to me, and O shit O dear those were the bad old days, and I so want to use your real name in this because maybe you're still alive in Melbourne and I'd truly love to hear from you if you are.