Karkinos (from the series, Hydra)

“So, it’s papillary thyroid cancer.”
My surgeon tells me I have cancer.

For a while I couldn’t say it. Instead:
“I’m sick, like big sick.” Not: “It’s cancer.”

“You’re going to be alright, says E—.”
She’s known people who have had cancer.

“Let me buy you a hot chocolate,”
says R—when I tell her I have cancer.

A week before I was declared free
of metastatic disease, my cousin died of cancer.

I’ve never seen someone live as much
as Laura did when she had breast cancer.

I never found my skiing in Montana. I can’t
imagine a day when I’ll forget about cancer.

When I dream sometimes, I am as revered
by a goddess as the constellation Cancer.

Her hands heal where the crack was inflicted,
where a red line marks that I, Livia, had cancer.

                        —dedicated to Laura Herr (1959-2020)